I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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