You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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