This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
