My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
