Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
