well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
