I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
