I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
