i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
