we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize