Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
