In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
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I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
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GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize