Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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