you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
