If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
