I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
