Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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