Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
