What a fucking waste of an outfit
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
