Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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