i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
