Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
