In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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