Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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