Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
