i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
