No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I AM VODKA MAN
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
