Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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