Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
