Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
