my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
