You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
