how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
