So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
