loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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