Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
