Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
