i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
