u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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