just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
