Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
