Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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