he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
