i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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