I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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