yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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