Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
