One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
