my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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