I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
