Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
