some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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