im six kinds of drunk right now
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
What a dumb baby whore.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
third nipple confirmed
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
