using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
