Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
