Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
