Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
