We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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