she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
