I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This baby is an asshole
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
