somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
