i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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