windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
