nut hugger
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
