"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
