stop calling my apartment porn island.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
