oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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