shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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