So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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