you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
