3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
