How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
