I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
