I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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