worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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