I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
