I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
