drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
