I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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