god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
