you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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